3 red flags you’re being gaslit at work

“You know, at your level, you are not supposed to be this good,” my former manager said to me. “How are you this good?”

This was after he asked me to present to the top 200 leaders of our company at an annual off-site event. He had given me less than a week to prepare and snapped at me when I asked follow-up questions on the deliverables. I was only three months into my new job. I did everything I could to pull together research and a thought-provoking presentation with clear takeaways. 

After the presentation, I had dozens of leaders stopping me in the hallway and sending me emails and texts, letting me know what a powerful presentation I had delivered and how they had learned so much from me. I had hoped for a similar positive reaction and accolades from my manager when he had called me into his office a week later.

Instead, I was met with a mix of shock, sarcasm, and manipulation. There was no praise, accolades, or acknowledgment of the impact I had. Instead, this was the start of this former manager helping me understand that it’s not always imposter syndrome we experience in our workplaces. Sometimes we are the target of career gaslighting.

According to Psychology Today, individuals who struggle with imposter syndrome believe that they are “undeserving of their achievements” and that they feel that “they aren’t as competent or intelligent as others might think—and that soon enough, people will discover the truth about them.” Imposter syndrome has been discussed and widely documented in the modern workplace. Many of us have experienced imposter syndrome at work.

I certainly have experienced my fair share of imposter syndrome moments in my career. However, this was not one of those moments. While I was new to this big leadership role, I was confident in my capabilities. I knew I had the expertise and experiences, the internal relationships, and the vision to be successful. I was excited for this opportunity and to make an impact at a company I had been working at for some time. 

Here are three ways I have experienced career gaslighting—and three red flags you should watch out for.

Someone constantly instills doubt in your capabilities 

During my very first performance review with the manager I mentioned, I came prepared with my view on how I was doing in this role. I had a list of our agreed-upon goals that I had exceeded, key metrics to share, and glowing feedback from cross-functional partners and senior leaders in the organization. When he asked how I thought I had performed, I said I gave myself the “exceeding expectations” rating.

His immediate feedback to me was, “Really? I think you need to watch how overconfident you have become. You honestly have little to no experience in what you are doing. And I am not the only one who thinks that.”

I was floored by his response. I didn’t understand where it was coming from. I stammered something like “Okay . . . I’ll try to be less overconfident.” Even after that review, his attempts to chip away at my confidence continued. He questioned decisions I had made that he had already approved. He removed me from meetings where my initiatives were being discussed. He accused me of mistakes I hadn’t made. 

In this case, I didn’t have any self doubt in my own capabilities. I wasn’t suffering from imposter syndrome. But time and time again, this former manager tried hard to instill doubt in my performance and my abilities. He made me start to question if I was in fact good enough for the role.

Someone undermines your credibility in front of others

“You aren’t a real human resources professional after all,” my former manager said, laughing, in a large team meeting in front of a number of colleagues. This was in response to a question I had asked about our annual planning process. He ridiculed me for asking the question, and tried to embarrass me in front of my peers. His attempts to undermine my credibility publicly in front of others continued on.

When I would introduce myself in front of vendors visiting our company, and they would thank me for my contributions, he would follow up by saying, “She’s still new to her role; hasn’t really done the job for that long.”

When he once decided to spontaneously join my team for our holiday lunch outing, he used it as an opportunity to publicly give me feedback on all the things I hadn’t accomplished that year. He made a joke about me being paid “more than enough” and that I was a poor partner to other parts of the business, and many individuals didn’t trust me to deliver.

When I was nominated for an award for my work by an external organization, he contacted the organization and told them I didn’t have enough experience for the award. He attempted to convince them to not give me the award; he failed at this attempt.

This former manager’s attempts to undermine my credibility publicly became part of the pattern of consistently career gaslighting me. He wanted to get others to also doubt my capabilities and my ability to lead.

Someone blocks you from moving on internally 

After enduring working for him over a long period of time, I knew it was time to move on. I had thought if I accomplished more in the role, he would change his mind about me, see the value I added, and be somewhat supportive. But the more I achieved for the company, the career gaslighting targeted toward me only intensified. I knew I needed an exit plan, and I thought moving internally would be easier than finding a role externally.

I started reaching out to leaders within the company regarding current and upcoming openings. Many were very enthusiastic about supporting my moving onto their teams. They believed in my potential and knew I would be a valuable asset to the team.

“You can’t leave. You aren’t done yet,” he snapped at me one day. “I spoke to one of the general managers about you. I let them know you need to stay in this role for at least three years, if not longer. You just can’t bounce around at a senior level.”

When I had first taken the role, he had told me I could do the role for a year and move on. Now, his expectation was at least three years, if not longer. Once he knew I wanted to move on, he consistently blocked me from other roles internally. He let others know that I wasn’t competent, capable, or ready to take on a new assignment in the company. And in a large company like this one, you couldn’t move on without your current manager’s permission. So the only exit plan remaining was to exit the company. Which is what I did.

Years later, I am embarrassed to admit that I stayed and reported to this individual for far too long. The career gaslighting ultimately turned into something worse than imposter syndrome. He incessantly chipped away at my self-confidence, attempted to convince others I was not competent at my job, and blocked me from leaving his team. I began to lose pieces of myself under the toll of his psychological abuse, manipulation, and lies. 

Imposter syndrome exists, and so does career gaslighting. And remember, it’s not always you who is undermining and sabotaging your career. Sometimes it’s not imposter syndrome. Sometimes it’s someone else who is threatened by you and doesn’t believe in your potential who decides to gaslight you. Spotting the difference between imposter syndrome and career gaslighting is critical to moving on as soon as possible so you can find a workplace where you are valued and you know your contributions are recognized and matter.