Ever had someone ask to ‘pick your brain’? When you do something notable or have position others might want someday, too, you’ll get an occasional request from someone who wants to buy you coffee in exchange for inside knowledge. 

The catch is that these requests often come from complete strangers. The internet and access to email addresses makes it fairly easy to reach anyone. 

“You would never call a lawyer or an accountant and say, ‘Can I pick your brain about law or accounting?’” says Robert Glazer, author of Elevate: Push Beyond Your Limits and Unlock Success in Yourself and Others. “I think with people in the business world, it’s a little looser.”

Deciding to say “yes” or “no” depends on your own priorities, says Glazer.

When to say ‘no’

As founder and chairman of the board of the marketing agency Acceleration Partners and author of the popular Friday Forward newsletter, Glazer gets lots of requests for his time. When one arrives in his inbox, he asks himself, “Is it connected to what’s important to me?”

“I’ve written books, and people ask me all the time, ‘I’d love to get your input on publishing or self-publishing,’” he says. “I don’t have a passion for teaching people how to publish.”

Still, Glazer likes to be helpful, so he created a document with all the tips he can share. If anyone asks for his time on this topic, he shares a link to the document, adding “If you have a specific question, let me know.” 

“Very few people actually ask follow-up questions,” he says. “These are the people that are willing to do the work. I get a sense sometimes that people are asking me to do more work than they’re willing to do themselves.”

How to say ‘no’ kindly

In addition to having prewritten answers to the most common requests, Glazer uses email templates to make it easy to respond. When someone asks for a meeting and he decides it’s not aligned with his priorities, he shares this response:

“Thanks so much for thinking of me. I have always enjoyed helping people personally and professionally, but as my writing has grown, I’ve had to move to a blanket policy of declining requests for 1-1 advice calls outside of close friends and family. I have openly shared a lot of best practices and advice from building our business in articles, podcasts, books and speeches, and, at this point, I need to stick to these one-to-many formats. This is the best way I’ve found to protect my time and be fair and consistent to everyone who reaches out. Thanks, and appreciate your understanding. Hope all is well.”

Other reply templates are tailored for people who request information on jobs at his company, ask for introductions to LinkedIn connections, inquire about free speaking opportunities, and more.

“The templates are truly liberating,” says Glazer. “If you sit down for half an hour and develop the template once, you can feel good about saying ‘no.’ I get thank-yous from it because people are just used to not hearing at all. Also, I’m an inbox-zero guy. I’d rather just nip it in the bud instead of having the person keep coming back.”

Glazer further protects his time by putting a paywall around it. “I think asking strangers to pick their brain is a little precarious,” he says. “I’m not a venture capitalist, but people still want to run their business idea by me. I started my ‘Elevate Club,’ which has a nominal fee, and it includes office hours. I think people need a little bit of a paywall around them to differentiate who respects their time and who doesn’t.”

When to say ‘yes’

Most of us have someone from our past who helped when we were up-and-coming in our field. Glazer says that’s a good reason to pay it forward, and he has identified circumstances when he’ll make time for a stranger. For example, if the request is connected to something important to him or aligns with his interests, he will consider saying “yes.” Also, he will make time for someone who is a friend or relative of a close connection. 

The key is to put a parameter around it. “Think about it like you think about the time you spend on research and development,” says Glazer. “What percentage do you want to spend giving back? Then bucket that knowing you will spend an hour a week or every other week.”

Be sure to keep the big picture at the forefront, Glazer adds. “If you make other people’s priorities your priority or your schedule, then it’s really hard to accomplish your own great things,” he says.

Fast Company

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