DoorDash comes up with the least helpful use for self-driving cars yet

DoorDash has just come up with a new way to use self-driving cars–food delivery. The food delivery company is teaming up with General Motors’s Cruise Automation to test food and grocery delivery in San Francisco using self-driving vehicles, the companies announced on Thursday.

“Delivery is a significant opportunity for Cruise as we prepare to commercialize our autonomous vehicle technology and transform transportation,” said Cruise CEO Dan Ammann. “Partnering with DoorDash will provide us with critical learnings as we further our mission to deliver technology that makes people’s lives better and more convenient.”

But will this make people’s lives better and more convenient? I say absolutely not.

Here’s the thing: If I order food delivery, it’s because I don’t want to leave the house. If I have to put on pants to collect my food from a self-driving car parked at the curb or just down the block, the whole purpose of getting food delivered is already ruined. If I am paying another human being to make me food, the baseline for my laziness has already been set–and it’s a pretty low bar. If I have to put on pants, let alone shoes and a coat, to go outside and fetch my burrito from a self-driving car, it is already too much work. Not only will I need to make myself presentable enough for a stroll to the sidewalk, but I will have to brace for the inevitable run-in with an ex or a PTA mom or someone else on the planet who doesn’t need to know that I am forking over my hard-earned cash on overpriced burritos made up of beans, rice, and questionable lettuce that I am too lazy/exhausted/miserable to make for myself.

That’s between me, my self-esteem, and my judgmental dog, thank you very much. As Cardi B says, let me fat in peace.