The annual White House Correspondents’ Dinner has been at risk of becoming a faded ritual in recent years–avoided by President Trump, ignored by the public, and skewered by media critics for being a gaudy self-congratulatory exercise that perfectly exemplifies the incestuous world of politics, celebrity, and journalism. And this year’s “nerd prom” promised to be another snoozefest–until Michelle Wolf showed up. (By the way, here’s a sneak peek at her new Comedy Central show.)
Her burns of White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders and Kellyanne Conway drove conservative Twitter into hysterical outrage, but she had plenty of other sharp lines aimed at both parties, the cable news networks, cabinet members, and of course the president himself.
Here are some of her best lines:
“It’s 2018 and I’m a woman so you cannot shut me up. Unless you have Michael Cohen wire me $130,000.”
“Of course, Trump isn’t here, if you haven’t noticed. He’s not here. And I know, I know, I would drag him here myself, but it turns out the president of the United States is the one p—- you’re not allowed to grab.”
“[Trump] loves white nationalists, which is a weird term for a Nazi. Calling a Nazi a white nationalist is like calling a pedophile a ‘kid friend.’ Or Harvey Weinstein a ‘ladies’ man.’ Which isn’t really fair. He also likes plants.”
“Mike Pence is what happens when Anderson Cooper isn’t gay.”
“Democrats are harder to make fun of because you guys don’t do anything. People think you might flip the House and Senate this November, but you guys always find a way to mess it up. You’re somehow going to lose by 12 points to a guy named Jeff Pedophile Nazi Doctor.”
“You guys gotta stop putting Kellyanne on your shows. All she does is lie. If you don’t give her a platform, she has nowhere to lie. It’s like that old saying: If a tree falls in the woods, how do we get Kellyanne under that tree? I’m not suggesting she gets hurt; just stuck. Stuck under a tree. Incidentally, a tree falls in the woods is Scott Pruitt’s definition of porn. Yeah, we all have our kinks.”
“Fox News is here. So you know what that means, ladies. Cover your drinks. Seriously. People want me to make fun of Sean Hannity tonight, but I cannot do that. This dinner is for journalists.”
