by Bob Garfield , Featured Columnist, May 1, 2017

Hard to believe, I know, but The Bobosphere has no secretary. Or PA, or “admin.” This is mostly for national security reasons that I cannot share. But in case you’re one of those people who wears an admin like a Rolex, I can share this:

Big deal. You are nobody. Let me ask you this: do you have a bot? Dude, I have a bot.

That’s right, I have a digital slave trapped deep in the bowels of The Bobosphere who answers questions, directs inquiries and offers all kinds of really useful information about how great I am. (I mean, that’s not me talking. Bobot isn’t just a technoslave; he’s a fan.)

Bobot goes to work sometime May 1, and none too soon. As you can imagine, my global cult of acolytes is often impatient to be kept apprised of my goings on throughout the world of media. Books, radio shows, summits and — later this year — a national tour of “Ruggedly Jewish: An Evening with Bob Garfield.” (I shit you not.) And why do these pathetic followers live or die by my every word?

Excellent question! And the answer is: they probably don’t. But is there anything wrong with building a technical infrastructure in case of a sudden spike in pathetic following? Every marketer knows not to be caught short when there’s a surge in demand.

You can interact with Bobot via my brand new Facebook page: If you message me there, Bobot will reply. Be gentle with him. He’s working, like, four jobs. And he’s obviously a bit nervous having as a master someone of such stature. (6’ 1″)

But perhaps you’re asking yourself, “Bob’s obviously a charismatic spiritual force and borderline sublime, but how did he get a bot? He isn’t even, like, a senior vice president.”

Answer: anybody can have one. Who knew?

See, I was at SXSW racing from one crappy event to a louder, crappier event involving dry-ass chicken on skewers and happened to share a ride with Gabie Kur, of the pr firm BAM Communications, and because it is the nature of things, she told me about the client she was representing, an outfit called Dexter that markets do-it-yourself bots.

And I’m like, “Nuh-uh.” And she’s like, “Yeah-huh!” The idea is if you need this kind of technology for customer service, sales assistance or whatever, why spend a fortune on bespoke software when you can use an online template to build it your ownself? Now, I happen to be on the record as being pretty creeped out with bot interactions, but here’s the key thing: I won’t interact with Bobot. He’s my bot. I don’t talk to him. I barely talk to my own family. Others will talk to him, so what do I care if he’s creepy?

As long as he gets the job done, of course — which I’m pretty confident of, because Dexter gave me special attention, much as you would any feeble old man flummoxed by technology. I have only just recently mastered the doorbell.

I do know these folks pride themselves on their customer service. When you contact them for help, your inquiry is answered by…live human beings.

MediaPost.com: Search Marketing Daily

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