Is it really possible to change your personality?

Personality traits certainly fall under the umbrella of soft skills at work, but your personality is arguably more essential to your success than any technical skill. And while there is no single ideal personality type that guarantees you’ll climb the corporate ladder, there are certainly traits that make you easier to work with.

But personality at work is a complicated thing. For instance, as frequent contributor Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic explains, the traits that make someone likely to be promoted into a leadership position—charisma, confidence, entitlement—are also associated with narcissism (and are found more often in men, due in part to the way boys are raised).

You may want to be a boss, but you (hopefully!) don’t want to be a narcissist. So what about other desirable personality traits?

How to figure out your personality

The first step is to figure out your personality type. This might sound silly because you’ve lived with yourself your entire life—of course you know who you are. But it’s actually pretty tricky to have an accurate picture of your personality on your own. We know how we feel, but we are pretty terrible judges of fact about ourselves, including knowing how smart we are.

The best way to get a more accurate picture of your personality is to pick up clues from what other people say about you. “If someone calls me ‘controlling’ once, I might not pay attention,” says John D. Mayer, author of Personal Intelligence. “But if somebody else says the same thing, I might say, ‘Hmm, I didn’t know that about myself. I may have to examine that a little bit more.’”

Figuring out what you want to change

Once you think you have an accurate picture of your personality, you can decide what parts you want to lean into. After you sort out which traits are serving you and which aren’t, the next step is to clarify exactly what you want to change: If you want to be less agreeable, for instance, what you really are looking for is to become more assertive.

Making a lasting personality change

Once you’ve determined exactly what you want to change, you need to have the opportunity to practice. “You have to give people the opportunity to try the new behaviors, implement them, fail at them, try them again, and give them guidance in an effort to create the skill itself,” says Brent W. Roberts, professor of psychology at the University of Illinois.

Finally, just like with any habit change, it’s helpful to have someone to keep you accountable, like a professional therapist or a peer who serves as an accountability buddy. In the end, while you may want to change part of your personality to overcome a professional hurdle, it’s important to pay attention to how the change makes you feel and to land in a place where you still feel natural and comfortable.