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This is how you develop (and rekindle) workplace friendships
This is how you develop (and rekindle) workplace friendships
It’s hard to make friends as an adult. But it doesn’t have to be impossible.
BY Ayse Birsel and Ruth Gotian
Gallup’s recent first-quarter report in 2024 showed that only 30% of employees were engaged at work.
This is a dangerously low number. Sadly, this number has not budged in over a decade. Given that employee engagement is a critical factor for productivity and job satisfaction, this indicates a troubling trend.
Having a friend at work correlates to higher engagement levels. Healthy and strong social connections at work are not only essential for individual and societal well-being, but also necessary to enhance employee retention, drive innovation and increase revenue. This is true for employees at every level, even the CEO.
From childhood, we are naturally positioned to make friends through shared environments such as playgrounds, schools, and our homes. These spaces provide fertile ground for friendships to blossom through shared activities and experiences. However, as we grow older, the structured opportunities for forming new friendships diminish, making it increasingly challenging to build meaningful relationships.
This is particularly challenging in a post-pandemic, flexible, fast-moving work environment. But don’t despair. There are strategies for employees and leaders to make “fresh friends.” As a social-scientist who researches success, high achievers, and mentorship, and an industrial designer who focuses on creating social connections using design thinking tools, we’ve combined our work to offer a few viable solutions.
1. Friendship factories: creating the right conditions for connection
In her yearlong research, Birsel developed a simple formula for how we make new friends. When a group of diverse people share time, place and interest, and this is multiplied by a factor of trust, the result is “Friendship Factories.”
The concept of “friendship factories” involves creating opportunities within the workplace that mimic the organic social opportunities of childhood. Just as playgrounds and schools facilitated natural interactions among children, workplaces can design spaces and activities that encourage employees to connect on a personal level.
Consider all the work situations that meet this criteria, from project meetings to conferences, company retreats to Employee Resource Groups (ERGs) and clubs, online or in-person. Then imagine what accelerates trust, whether it is a mentor, a team leader, a company executive, or the company or organization, and you will realize how work offers many opportunities for making social connections that you can deepen into friendships.
2. Helping others: building empathy and trust through collaboration
People want to help, but often don’t know what to offer. In addition, people are often reluctant to ask for assistance. Reframing “help” as “collaboration” is one of the most effective ways to get over these reservations. Collaboration, whether in professional tasks or personal support, creates bonds that go beyond superficial interactions. It is a powerful way to build relationships, as it fosters empathy, trust, and a sense of shared purpose.
Here are some ways to encourage collaboration in the workplace:
Mentorship programs
Gotian has spent decades researching mentoring and learned that mentorship has routinely proven to help people expand their networks and work on collaborative projects. Surprisingly, most people in successful mentoring relationships don’t wait to get matched with a random mentor—61% found their mentors organically.
In addition, nearly every single Fortune 500 company has formal mentoring programs. Formal mentoring programs within the organization can group employees with mentors or mentees based on shared interests and goals and serves as a launching pad for conversations. These relationships often extend beyond professional development, providing a foundation for deeper personal connections. These connections have additional benefits—employees with mentors tend to outearn and outperform those who are not. They get promoted more often, are happier in their careers, and have lower rates of burnout.
Volunteer opportunities
Encouraging employees to participate in volunteer activities, either organized by the organization, department, or independently, can bring people together around a common cause. Shared experiences in helping others can forge strong connections and provide a sense of fulfillment and belonging.
Preemptive help
Providing assistance before someone makes an explicit request or before a problem arises builds connections and accelerates trust. It also opens the door to reciprocity. Employees who help others will often receive help in return, creating a supportive and cooperative work environment.
3. Leveraging shared interests: from acquaintances to relationships
In specialized environments such as scientists, sound engineers, or software developers, the focused nature of the role can either limit social interaction or provide an opportunity for deep, meaningful relationships based on shared interests.
Leveraging these commonalities can turn acquaintances into lasting friendships. Here are some examples on how your organization can do that:
Interest groups
Forming interest groups or clubs within the institution, like book clubs, sports teams, or hobby groups, can bring employees together who might not interact regularly in their daily tasks. These groups provide a structured way for people to connect over shared passions.
Cross-department projects
Encouraging collaboration across different departments on special projects can introduce employees to colleagues they might not otherwise meet. These interactions can lead to discovering common interests and forming new friendships—and possible future collaborations.
Building a culture of connection
In a world where the lines between professional and personal lives are increasingly blurred, fostering workplace friendships is not just a perk but a necessity for employees’ engagement and overall well-being. By creating intentional spaces for connection, promoting collaboration and helping others, and leveraging shared interests, organizations can transform the workplace into a vibrant community where every team member feels valued and connected.
As we reflect on the ease with which we made friends in our childhood playgrounds, we can apply these lessons to the modern workplace. By doing so, we can create environments where friendships flourish, engagement soars, and both individuals and organizations thrive.
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
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