This pandemic bed-couch-desk-massager should be top of your winter wishlists

By Talib Visram

November 25, 2020

Americans are strapping in for what’s likely to be a grueling, locked-down winter. The more ways we can find to entertain ourselves at home, thus reducing the need to go out and expose ourselves to risky droplets, the better. In our quest to find how best to make like bears and hibernate, we discovered: the “Hariana Tech Smart Ultimate Bed.”

The jack-of-all-trades piece is going viral on social media, but contrary to Twitter’s assessment that it should be called the “I’ve Given Up,” we urge you to think of the positives. This isn’t simply a bed; rather, it’s a bed-couch-office-closet-[fill in the blank]; or, as the makers, Jubilee Furniture, put it, an “adult playground.”

Available in a variety of colors and fabrics, the Hariana makes the bed its true centerpiece, but it’s flanked by a recliner that offers no fewer than nine massage modes. Two plush seats in the front, with a popcorn-ready table in the middle, spell movie night, and a chance to sit up, so as not to lose back posture come spring. On the left of the bed is a movable desk platform, with enough space for a laptop; behind the desk are Bluetooth-enabled speakers. On the other side, there’s a shelf for books, and perhaps plants to spruce up the new living quarter. Not to mention: ample storage space, a reading lamp, a charging station, and an unexplained “air cleaning system.”

If used to its full capacity, the Hariana ensures occupiers won’t have to leave home, let alone get up—except to make food, or to use the facilities. It’s truly an ideal feature for residents of tight studio apartments, or anyone frustrated by spending too much time with family or roommates, and who need a little alone time (24 hours a day).

Or, maybe we’ve just given up.

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