What to do if you think a coworker has a substance abuse problem
By Richard Bistrong
The statistics are clear: The pandemic has lead to an increase in mental health issues and a significant spike in substance abuse. Unfortunately, I can relate to these challenges from personal experience.
Earlier in my career, I was sitting in a management meeting with my supervisor and peers. During a roundtable discussion on sales strategies, my boss asked for my opinion, but I failed to respond. Why? Because I was sleeping and in the throes of a near-fatal drug addiction which continued for two more years. I know that I left obvious clues of addiction, including that incident, among my workplace friends. But as a well-recognized and rewarded sales executive, no one took me aside to ask if something was wrong. I’ve often wondered how many of my colleagues contemplated approaching me but didn’t know how.
This challenging situation has become even more complex in recent years because many of the warning signs of substance abuse can go unnoticed in a remote or hybrid work environment. But with the current increase in workplace friendships and the return to office, our coworkers’ behaviors are becoming more apparent. The question is: What should you do if you suspect that a friend at work has as a substance abuse problem?
To be sure, if your friend is in a safety-sensitive role, such as transportation or health care, where they might present a threat to themselves or others, I believe any substance abuse concerns should be immediately flagged to a supervisor or to HR.
However, there are also many situations in which the solution is neither apparent nor clear. Fortunately, there are strategies you can use to help provide your work friend with the tools they need to navigate through a difficult situation. Here’s my advice:
Check your assumptions
Before approaching your work friend, don’t underestimate the impact that your conversation can have on your friendship. It’s critical that you think about what might influence and inform your impressions of your work friend.
Michael Zalewa, a licensed psychotherapist with a sub-specialty in addiction, suggests that we approach difficult conversations about substance abuse without assumptions we may have from previous exposures to substance abuse. He says, “Just because the symptoms of your work colleague match your prior experience, is there still another explanation as to why this behavior is occurring?”
A coworkers’ unusual behaviors could be caused by exhaustion and overwork, family-related stress, or other health issues. The goal is to be helpful, but mindful of your friend’s right to privacy, so challenge yourself to be thoughtful and do not make any assumptions.
If you can’t find another explanation for behaviors that may be tied to substance abuse, then it may be helpful to educate yourself about external substance abuse resources. This way you can let your friend know there is help that is available to them if they are open to seeking support.
Approach your coworker with compassion
If you decide to approach your coworker, focus on the impact of their behaviors but stay away from asking too many questions, which might seem judgmental or confrontational. As licensed psychotherapist Jay Stringer advises, “your role is not to diagnose your coworking friend as a substance abuser, but you can be clear about the physical and behavioral patterns you have observed, including the quality of their work and how your collaborative alliance with them has been impacted.”
For example, in your first approach, you might want to share your concern while not soliciting a response, such as, “Hey, Sue, I really enjoy our morning breaks over coffee, but lately, you seem extremely tired and distracted, and I really miss our companionship. I’m not trying to be nosy, but I want you to know that I’m concerned about you. If there’s anything you want to talk about, know I’m always here for you.”
While your friend might be hesitant to share what’s going on in the moment, or may even deny that there’s anything out of the ordinary, you’ve left the door wide open to a future conversation.
When I was eventually approached about my own addiction, I was hostile, defensive, and accusatory in order to deflect responsibility. I have come to learn that this is not an unusual reaction, so be prepared. If your expectation is that your friend is going to thank you for your offer of support, you will most likely be disappointed. In fact, your approach could strain the relationship or cause backlash. But ultimately, no one intervenes in order to get kudos. They do so because they care.
If you do experience this kind of harsh reaction, know that over time your coworker may express regret, just as I did. I returned to the person who had offered me support in gratitude. “I can’t do this on my own,” I told her. “I need help.”
Gently offer options
If they are open to seeking support, you may want to help your friend get help. However, I recommend you set boundaries to avoid becoming their ‘go-to’ therapist, which can adversely impact everyone’s wellbeing.
“It’s human instinct to want to help and to be empathetic, but be careful in recognizing your own limitations as a non-mental health professional,” says psychotherapist Michael Zalewa. We can avoid that tendency by focusing on the details about the resources your company offers and how to access them.
But according to Lisa Smith, a leading author on addiction in the workplace, while most organizations have ample mental health resources, many have not “sufficiently broken the stigma for employees to feel comfortable accessing and asking about the availability of them.”
To help mitigate that anxiety, in your offer to help your friend find assistance, you might want to share, “I am so relieved that you are open to support. If you want, I’d be glad to pull up the company support website and read it with you. I know this is difficult, but I’m really proud of how brave you are.”
Another option is to sit with HR in advance of speaking to your work friend for direction as to how and where to find those resources, without naming the person.
Ask for help when necessary
There may come a point where your compassionate approaches have not had an impact, and over time, your concerns have increased. But before informing a formal body like HR you may want to consider a few things.
Whitney Harper, senior vice president of people at Extra Space Storage recommends a check-list approach prior to reaching out to HR or an anonymous company hotline. Questions you might ask yourself might include:
- Are they able to function in the best interest of the company?
- Have they lost any physical control over their body?
- Have you seen anything where they could put themselves, a colleague, or a client in harm’s way?
- Are they breaking any ethics or compliance rules?
Substance abuse is a complex issue, and it may take time for your work friend to accept help. Don’t be surprised, or take it personally, if your colleague initially resists or rejects your offer. If you think your friendship might be ‘rewarded’ for your empathetic and compassionate offer of help, support and guidance, be prepared to be disappointed. But they may well thank you later, for not only saving their career, but potentially, their health and welfare.
Richard Bistrong is the CEO of Front-Line Anti-Bribery, a consultancy focusing on real-world anti-bribery, ethics, and compliance challenges.
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