Workers need more empathetic leaders this holiday season—here are 4 things you can do to be more empathetic

Empathy is more critical than ever. Earlier this year, the World Health Organization (WHO) shared that in the first year of the pandemic, anxiety and depression soared by 25% worldwide. UN Secretary-General António Guterres recently called it a global mental health crisis. 

Workers are more stressed than ever. The good news is: empathy from leadership can go a long way toward alleviating some of that stress. What’s more, a Catalyst survey of over 900 employees across industries found that empathy is also an important driver of innovation, engagement, and inclusion. 

The holidays are just around the corner, and for some, that means tensions are running especially high. Here are some expert-backed strategies for practicing empathy with your employees and colleagues—when they need it the most.

Interact with new people

Empathy may be on the decline. A 2010 study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Review looked at nearly 14,000 college students, and found that the average level of “empathic concern” declined by 48% and that the average level of “perspective taking” declined by 34% between 1979 and 2009. The authors speculated that rises in personal technology and media use in everyday life were at least partially to blame. If that’s the case, it’s safe to assume that our capacity to empathize has only diminished.  

Our habit of interacting with the same people, especially those who share our perspective, tends to increase as we rely on technology for communication. How often do you strike up a random conversation on email or Slack? But whether we’re working remotely or at the office, it’s important to overcome this tendency in order to develop our empathy skills. 

Dr. Roman Krznaric, an Australian philosopher and the author of The Good Ancestor: How to Think Long Term in a Short-Term World, says that one of the best ways to develop empathy is to have conversations with people with whom we wouldn’t typically interact. 

Make it a routine to reach out to new team members regularly. With my team, I try to invite a couple of different employees to coffee once a week. During this time, we usually chat about anything but work—family, upcoming vacations, sports events, you name it. It can be as simple as a quick walk, as long as you’re reaching beyond the normal names on your daily agenda.

Embrace not knowing

We all know by now that listening is part of practicing empathy. But assuming we already know someone’s perspective can defeat the purpose of listening altogether. 

That’s why Sherry Turkle, MIT professor and author of The Empathy Diaries, suggests that we should all embrace not knowing. 

As Turkle writes for Harvard Business Review, “You can’t put yourself into someone else’s situation if you have preconceptions about its contours. Stop, look, listen, and stay open. It’s not what you know, it’s what you’re willing to learn that provides space for empathy.”

For example, let’s say you’re chatting with coworkers about the holidays. Don’t assume it’s a happy time for everyone—some may be dealing with grief; others with difficult family dynamics. Each person has their own circumstances, and chances are, not all of them are merry. 

Listening without preconceptions is the starting point for understanding someone else’s position. Acknowledging what others are going through will ensure that they’re feeling heard.

Don’t put yourself in others’ shoes

When we think about empathy, the old adage about putting yourself in someone else’s shoes comes to mind. But according to experts, that’s not the best way to approach empathy. 

As Yale psychology professor John Dovidio has explained, “When you ask me to imagine myself in another person’s position, I may experience a lot of personal distress, which can interfere with prosocial behaviors.” In other words, you become so upset you can no longer be helpful to the person sharing their perspective. 

Instead, experts recommend adopting a more removed response, which can give us a more general way to understand someone else, their emotions, and their perspective. 

Brené Brown, bestselling author of Daring Greatly, has echoed that idea. As she explained to the New York Times, “it’s important that you don’t take on someone’s emotions to the extent that it becomes a burden, or that you co-opt their experience.” 

Say one of your employees is experiencing conflict with a coworker and is highly distressed. Listen and try to understand their point of view without becoming emotional on their behalf. That way, you can offer reassurance from an objective place. And most importantly, they will feel supported, rather than outdone. 

Curl up with a good book

Reading novels is one of my great pleasures. At one point, I didn’t think I had the time for them. I thought I had to read work-related materials even during my downtime. Ultimately, I felt depleted by the end of each day. So I vowed to start reading again, anytime I could—on the train, in the coffee shop, before bed. My work didn’t suffer; to the contrary, I felt more energized. And, as it turns out, I was practicing empathy, too. 

Reading fiction is a great way to flex your empathy muscle. The American Psychology Association reported that understanding people in fictional stories can help us to better understand people in real life: “The more one practices empathy (e.g., by relating to fictional characters), the more perspectives one can absorb while not feeling that one’s own is threatened.” 

Whether you’re reading about a salvage diver, a pilot, or an Artificial Friend, you’re giving yourself the chance to inhabit someone else’s lived experiences. The more you read, the easier it gets. I suggest joining a book club (or starting one with your colleagues). 

This holiday season, use some of your down time to curl up with a good book—and build up your empathy skills. Your team members will thank you. 

Aytekin Tank is the founder and CEO of Jotform, a leading online forms SaaS solution.